How To Find Healing And Forgiveness After Being Hurt By Your Partner

Are you having trouble letting go of your partner? When a loved one doesn’t show emotional support when needed most, it can damage our sense of emotional safety and trust in that person. In fact, from what I’ve seen as a couples counselor and affair recovery coach, the relationship can feel like it’s over for good. Good things are forgotten, leaving only flaws, annoying habits, and signs of more bad things. When this happens, it can be very hard to forgive your partner, and these times of miscommunication can be hard on the relationship. If they become normal, they can become upsetting, and over time, they can chip away at the couple’s secure, loving foundation, leaving it in ruins.

1. Decide if the act of betrayal is something you can or should forgive.

Everyone says forgiving someone is for you, not the other person. Even though that’s true, sometimes something in your heart keeps you from overcoming a mistake. That’s all right. If that’s the case, you should end the relationship because you’ll end up resenting and maybe even hating each other if you don’t. But if you’re willing to fight for the relationship and get over the mistake (whatever it was), you should try not to think about it all the time. Forgiveness is letting go of all your bad feelings toward the person who hurt you because of what they did, and it won’t work unless you try.

2. Talk to each other in an honest way.

Traitors don’t just do bad things out of the blue. There are many selfish people in the world, but there’s usually a good reason why someone would hurt the person they love. No, I’m not trying to defend people who cheat, lie, or father (or mother) children outside of their relationships. People who do these things do them for their benefit, but that isn’t true.

It’s time to talk about why the offense happened, and it has to be an honest conversation. You and your partner must be willing and honest to save your relationship. Finding out why the crime happened allows you to fix any problems that might be happening beneath the surface. Getting professional help is very important right now. Therapists can give a very objective point of view because they don’t have any feelings about the issue.

3. Let yourself let go while holding the memory.

People sometimes confuse forgetting with forgiving. No matter who it is, people rarely forget when someone does something bad to them. But none of us, especially the person who has been hurt, wants to remember the wrong. That’s not how real forgiveness works.

Even though you shouldn’t track how many times someone has hurt you, it’s good to know what’s happened in your relationship to avoid triggers. Forgiveness goes both ways. The person who did wrong can’t just expect everything to be fine with a snap of the fingers, but the person who didn’t can’t keep holding the wrong against their partner. Earning your partner’s trust back takes time, work, and concrete steps that may need to be taken for the rest of your relationship.

4. Recall the reasons you picked your spouse.

People often break up with their partners because they forget why they chose them in the first place. What about him or her made you say, “That one’s mine”? Do they still have the traits, actions, and ways of being that made you fall in love with them? Now that your relationship has been through a big problem, taking care of it’s even more important. You can’t act like things didn’t happen, but you can think about what’s great about being with your partner.

5. Expect the same thing to happen again.

We want to think this terrible thing will never happen again, but forgiveness does not mean “no more offense.” You shouldn’t expect your partner to disappoint you, but you shouldn’t be surprised if it happens again. Don’t live, breathe, and do things out of fear. Just tell the truth to yourself and the people around you. Having an emotional and mental relationship with someone who has seriously damaged you can be risky, so be prepared.

To forgive someone, you must invest time, effort, and a genuine desire. A healthy, happy, and joyful relationship depends on honesty, but it must work even harder to maintain its health and happiness when trauma occurs. Whenever something bad happens in your relationship, there will be a lasting impact on your relationship, but with open minds, trust, and hard work, you will be able to return from this difficult time.